


we can stay here (and laugh away the fear)

by secretlyhuman



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Drinking, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Truth or Dare, bi jake, i guess, theres fluff too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 05:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14537406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretlyhuman/pseuds/secretlyhuman
Summary: He wasn’t sure when he’d stopped going on dates but he noticed when a hot, blonde walked up to him at a bar and asked if he wanted to buy her a drink. He didn’t think he did. While he was caught in his own head Stevie bought one for her. At some point his hands started to sweat again and when she went to powder her nose Stevie laughed at how he had froze. He felt like a deer in the headlights, somehow he knew he was in the moment before the storm hit him.When he told Rosa the next day she told him he didn’t want to date the pretty girl because he wanted to date Stevie. That was stupid. Stevie was straight and Jake wasn’t one of those predatory guys that couldn’t tell when someone wasn’t interested. He told Rosa as much and she laughed at him. Rosa was mean, and she didn’t know Stevie like he did.He saw Stevie that afternoon and he told him - in detail - about what had happened with the girl from the bar. Jake smiled and laughed and thought about what Rosa had said. She had to be wrong. Stevie liked girls, just girls.





	we can stay here (and laugh away the fear)

**Author's Note:**

> I have returned from not posting at all to post one thing I wrote in an hour. title is from intertwined by dodie. it makes me super happy if you comment. tysm for reading

It wasn’t that Stevie was homophobic Jake would explain afterwards it was just that maybe he didn’t quite get it. Didn’t quite get the way that boys could be just as beautiful as girls. Or maybe he did, sometimes he looked at Jake for just a beat too long until he could feel his heart fluttering against his rib cage. 

This time he was trying to explain it to Rosa who’d overheard him calling someone a fag. Jake had told him afterwards on no uncertain terms not to do it again but he wasn’t sure if it would stick and when the news got round to her she’d told him she would knock his teeth into his throat. Jake wished he could be brave like her sometimes, the kind of person who took no shit, but maybe he was just as bad as Stevie. 

That night Stevie asked him if Rosa was on her period and he laughed. In shock that was something people actually said and in discomfort. He felt sick to his stomach and he couldn’t quite place why. 

….

Jake had been out since he was eight and had told Gina he had a crush on Bruce Willis. She’d called him sweetie and hugged him. When he told his mother she did the same. He wasn’t sure why, no one had called him sweetie when he had a crush on Gina. She’d laughed at him then and he wasn’t sure why this was any different. He hadn’t been in the closet since he was nineteen and shouted at his father that he liked boys and he could deal with it or leave him alone. 

With all that he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t told Stevie. Every time he tried the words stuck to his throat and his hands started to sweat. 

….

He wasn’t sure when he’d stopped going on dates but he noticed when a hot, blonde walked up to him at a bar and asked if he wanted to buy her a drink. He didn’t think he did. While he was caught in his own head Stevie bought one for her. At some point his hands started to sweat again and when she went to powder her nose Stevie laughed at how he had froze. He felt like a deer in the headlights, somehow he knew he was in the moment before the storm hit him. 

When he told Rosa the next day she told him he didn’t want to date the pretty girl because he wanted to date Stevie. That was stupid. Stevie was straight and Jake wasn’t one of those predatory guys that couldn’t tell when someone wasn’t interested. He told Rosa as much and she laughed at him. Rosa was mean, and she didn’t know Stevie like he did. 

He saw Stevie that afternoon and he told him - in detail - about what had happened with the girl from the bar. Jake smiled and laughed and thought about what Rosa had said. She had to be wrong. Stevie liked girls, just girls. 

…

He didn’t think about it again for a while, not until the Halloween party. Stevie had shown up in tight trousers, a tight shirt and if Jake didn’t know better he would have said eyeliner, a lazy red bite mark painted onto his neck. It was like something clicked. He didn’t have a crush on Stevie that would be extra stupid but he wouldn’t say no to running his hands over the muscles stretched beneath skin and working out everything that made him tick. 

He stuck to him that night, drinking cheap vodka from a solo cup. He got far too wasted considering it was a Tuesday but he didn’t know what else to do, considering every time Stevie looked at him his cheeks burnt red. At some point in the night he ended up in a game of truth or dare, shoulder to shoulder with Stevie.

Rosa kept looking at him, it was alarming she definitely had a plan and that worried him. He found out what it was when she dared him to kiss Stevie. He turned to face him and before he could even ask if it was okay Stevie’s mouth was pressed to his. He thought he might pass out, a blush spreading across his whole body. Before he could even reciprocate Stevie had moved away, while he sat there speechless, waiting for the blood to return to his brain. He still wasn’t quite sure what had happened when Stevie grabbed him by the wrist after the game had ended and lead him to the door. 

Rosa grinned at him as they left. 

….

Stevie made him feel soft. He would kiss down his neck and dig his fingers into the soft part of his ass and every time they were together Jake felt like he was melting. It was good in a way nothing previously had been. They worked their beat together, went drinking together then made their way back to an apartment where he could admire the planes of muscle and the sharp smiles. It was everything he had imagined dating would be like when he was seventeen and scared he couldn’t be loved. 

Sometimes Stevie would stay the night and he would let Jake be the little spoon and when they woke up in the morning he’d make pancakes just the way he liked them. Sometimes when no one else could see he’d even let Jake hold his hand. 

….

They had their first fight because of Rosa. Stevie said she was hot, to her face, and then complained when she’d told him to go fuck himself. Jake felt sick. Rosa was right, he knew Rosa was right but Stevie couldn’t seem to. Couldn’t understand that the work place was not the place to pull shit like that. Stevie said he was just insecure. The worst part was he was right. Jake knew Stevie was wrong but still wished Stevie had called him hot instead, wished he could tell one person the secret world they'd built for themselves. 

….

He wasn’t sure if he was in love with Stevie or just wanted to be but maybe it didn’t matter. 

….

A few months after it had all started Stevie introduced him to his girlfriend and Jake wondered if anyone else could tell that there was no air in the room. That night he'd got wasted, Rosa by his side and she’d patted his shoulder while he cried into his beer. 

The next day Stevie pulled him into a closet and kissed him so hard Jake thought it might bruise. No matter how much he wanted the moment to go on forever he pulled away and asked him about his girl. Stevie said it didn’t count, he wasn’t gay so it wasn’t cheating. All at once Jake realised he had been the other woman and Stevie wasn’t unlike his dad. His hands shook with rage. His heart beat so fast he thought it might fly out of his chest completely. 

He told Stevie to shove it and that when he was honest with himself he knew Jake’s number. The first night he went home and puked everything but the bile from his stomach and then showered for as long as he could. He waited and waited for a call and at some point he realised it wasn’t coming. Stevie would never come to terms with who he was and there was nothing he could do about it. Eventually he felt clean again. 

….

Ten years later when he found himself in a closet not unlike the one at their old precinct a little part of himself wondered what would happen if he kissed Stevie. But then he thought about how Rosa had had to comfort him while he cried and Amy’s stupid dorky dance moves and he was so mad at Stevie that he couldn’t see. 

He knew when his fist connected with Stevie’s jaw that it was probably the wrong choice but Stevie had punched him first. He was almost glad when Charles arrived, it was a good reminder of what was really important to him. 

….

He told Amy all of this the day after Rosa came out to the squad. She was quiet for a stretch. He could almost see the cogs in her brain turning, and he was worried he had ruined it all. But then she kissed him and he felt softer than he ever had but strong at the same time.


End file.
